from Silicon Valley to the City of Light: a California Expat in Paris

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Merci aux Soignants

Paris Lockdown Diary, Day 14 (I Think)

Bonjour! I hope you are well and safe, finding a way to navigate your shelter-in-place orders. Here in Paris, we’re on Day 14 (or is it 13? of lockdown. Our lockdown has been extended to at least April 15th. My family and I are healthy and doing well.

Paris is silent and still. A few joggers are out on the streets, a few solo shoppers with groceries. Ambulances race down the wide boulevards, sirens off. There is no need for sirens when the streets are empty. At 8 pm we go on our balconies to applaud. Against the tasteful monotony of the Haussmann facades, I spotted a colorful sign of thanks – “Merci aux soignants” – “thanks to the caregivers.”

Arc de Triopmhe on Lockdown

 

We’re allowed to leave our apartment once a day for up to an hour to do grocery shopping or exercise. We can go up to a kilometer from our home. Our leash happens to end right at Arc de Triomphe. Anyone who has visited Paris may be able to imagine how strange it is to see L’Etoile and Champs Elysees abandoned and nearly silent.

Two days ago, on my morning run, a movement in an upper window caught my eye. It was a hand, moving the curtains aside. The movement drew my eyes to the sky above the building, where the clouds were moving swiftly past. In the strange silence, absent the usual hum of tires on the cobblestone street, the clanging of the flagpole on the adjacent building had a lovely ring.

In the video, just above that flag, you’ll see the apartment where Marcel Proust lived with his family for many years. We had been here for nearly a year before I realized I was living across the street from Proust’s former home. It bears mentioning that Proust wrote nothing in that apartment, and only began In Search of Lost Time after he had moved to a different flat, one where he was besieged by terrible neighbors doing constant construction. We too have terrible upstairs neighbors with a penchant for rowdy construction and even rowdier parties, and four young children who never take off their shoes. Fortunately, the neighbors left for their country house the day before lockdown, leaving us in a state of unexpected peace.

Our hometown in Northern California has been sheltering in place as long as France has. For those who are in areas where shelter-in-place orders were issued later, I offer a note of encouragement: two weeks in, it is getting easier to be homebound. One acclimates. One settles into new routines. Despite the restlessness, there is a sense of peace that comes with knowing your community is doing the right thing, and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

It’s also strangely relaxing. In 20 years of marriage, my husband has never spent this many consecutive weekdays at home. It is a gift and a revelation. I always assumed 24/7 cohabitation would be detrimental to marital accord, but as it turns out, one quickly figures out the new domestic choreography. (It helps if your husband has always been the better partner when it comes to dishes).

https://vimeo.com/402540768

Even our teenaged son has settled in with little complaint. For the first time in years, thanks to a shortened school day and less homework, he’s getting adequate sleep, which may be why he’s in such a good mood. (For the record, I think kids have every right to complain right now; they’re the first adolescents in 102 years to live through a pandemic, so we should all cut them some slack.)

France reported more than 400 deaths yesterday, and the hottest spot of the outbreak in the country is now Paris. Sadly, we know that deaths will continue to rise in coming days, but hopefully the rate of new infections will begin to slow. We are encouraged by the news that San Francisco is flattening the curve, but we worry about friends and family back home, especially in California and New York.

Yet I am optimistic, because I can imagine a future in which we’re looking BACK at this virus, reflecting on the way it changed our lives, instead of looking nervously ahead.

Be safe and well. Much love from Paris.

empty shelves in French store coronavirus

Stuck in Paris during Coronavirus: What I Want Everyone to Know Back Home

A Strange Bonjour

Bonjour from Paris, where a bizarre new reality has taken hold, just as it has in the United States. No parties these days, of course, and no la bise. I did attend a party 14 days ago. One of the couples with whom I talked and exchanged la bise is now self-quarantined at home with Covid19 symptoms. I almost didn’t go to that party. At 9:30 that night, I was still telling myself, “Bad idea to go to the party.” But we were in the early stages of the virus in Paris, and none of us wanted to believe it was coming for us. The World Health Organization was still eleven days away from calling it a pandemic. It seemed socially awkward not to go, and I wanted to see my friends and drink champagne, so I put on my party dress and got on the metro.

The party included a lot of parents from my son’s school. Due to the timing, I believe they had to have contracted the illness after the party, but their sickness is a reminder how quickly everything goes from normal to not-normal, how rapidly we have to realign how we interact and go about our daily lives. They were both feeling perfectly fine two days ago, and then she noticed a little scratch at the back of her throat yesterday morning. Later in the morning, she had a fever. Soon thereafter, the fever was much higher. For her husband, it began with tiredness that quickly progressed to fever. It happens fast. So fast. You’re fine, and then you’re not.

Chances are, you already know someone who has coronavirus. If you don’t already, you will soon — probably within days. Whether or not they’ll have access to testing is, of course, another story.

Overwhelmed Hospitals

In Paris, as in America, it’s very difficult to get tested. The problem here isn’t a lack of tests so much as a lack of capacity. With packed hospitals and strained health care workers, the medical system is focusing on the critically ill, asking everyone who doesn’t have severe symptoms to stay home. Only a day ago, only the sick were supposed to self-isolate. How quickly that has changed.

In the past couple of weeks, I posted three times on the blog. Between Feb. 27 and March 9, things changed, but the mood was pretty much the same. Between March 9 and March 13, the numbers of confirmed infections and deaths rose, but the public response didn’t catch up with reality. Thursday night, Macron finally announced the closure of the schools. Friday morning, I awoke to the headline, “All Travel from Europe Banned.” Not normalhappens fast.

Here are my posts from the last couple of weeks on The Reluctant Parisian, tracing the mood of the city as reality crept in

Feb. 27: Parc Monceau, Parisian Noise, and Waiting for Coronavirus (plus audio)

March 9: Coronavirus in France: What It’s Like in Paris Right Now (plus video)

March 12: Waking Up in Paris to a Travel Ban (and why is there still a salad bar at the Monoprix?)

Why I kept my son home before the schools officially closed (and why you should too, if you can)

Several of my son’s friends’ schools back home in the Bay Area closed early, when there were far fewer reported cases in all of America than in the Paris region. This includes Catholic and private schools in San Francisco and on the Peninsula. Even if it seemed annoying or unnecessary to parents at the time, even if it presented significant scheduling issues, early school closures are one of the most effective ways to slow the spread.

My son’s school was open last week, but the last day I sent him to school was Tuesday. From everything I was reading, the risk of being on the metro and in classrooms was too great. You don’t know intimacy until you’ve ridden the Paris metro, where the distance between your body and other bodies is zero centimeters, and the distance between your mouth and other people’s mouths is four to six inches. On Thursday, the school held an assembly, packing 90 kids into a poorly ventilated room. Earlier in the week (Monday), the kids had done yoga, and the teacher had instructed them to press their faces into the dirty mats that had just been used by other students. When the school nurse visited my son’s class to talk to them about coronavirus, she told them they only needed to wash their hands for 10 seconds. The urgency and the common sense just wasn’t there.

When I wrote on our 9th grade WhatsApp group that I’d pulled our son out of school, I discovered that some families wanted to do the same, but without any direction from the school, many felt uncomfortable doing so. Forgive the bold type, but I feel passionately about this: you don’t need permission from the school to keep your kids home during a pandemic. You’re the parent. It’s your choice.

The Are-We-in-A-Movie Moment

On Thursday night, in a sobering address to the nation, President Macron finally announced that all schools will be closed beginning Monday. Spring break starts in two to three weeks, which means schools will be shuttered for more than a month, allowing France to slow the spread at a crucial time. My son’s school is going online. The kids are still expected to “attend” school every day. They’ll still learn; they’ll just learn differently.

If you have children in schools that are still open, please consider keeping them home if this is a possibility for your family. If you can work from home, do. When communities speed up social distancing by even a single day, it can have an enormous impact on how fast, and how widely, the virus spreads. A few days of missed school is so minor compared to the uncertainty of the virus entering your home. While children have fortunately fared well so far, many healthy adults in their 30s, 40s, and 50s have developed critical complications.

My husband is still going to work, of course, because the federal government must keep functioning. I worry about him every day, as there was already a confirmed case in his workplace last week. Although he needs to see a doctor for a non-virus health concern, doctors and institutions here and at home are overwhelmed, and besides, it’s not a great time to go to the doctor if you can avoid it. This is another reason social distancing is so important. You’re not just trying to protect your family from this virus, but also from any other condition that, in normal times, would warrant a trip to the ER or to the doctor.

Social Distancing

For many families, it’s difficult to skip the playdates and the playground, the small social gatherings. For young professionals, it’s difficult not to meet up with friends. It’s difficult not to go to your place of worship or grab a coffee or baguette or takeout. Social distancing is anathema to our way of life, but what we know now is that serious, unusual, even painful social distancing is essential. It is far better to be safe and socially awkward than to engage in risky behavior. Right now, so much of what we’re accustomed to doing every day is risky.

Remember what they told you in health class circa 1988.

If you’re my age, remember your AIDS education from the 80s: “When you sleep with someone, you’re sleeping with everyone they slept with.” These days, when you shake hands with someone, you’re shaking hands or hugging everyone they’ve shaken hands with since they last scrubbed their hands. Even more concerning, the virus can last a few days on surfaces, so when you touch the metro pole or the Philz Coffee counter, you’re touching everyone who’s touched those surfaces.

Lean in to the unprecedented gift of dedicated family time.

One good thing is that we’re all going to be spending a lot more dedicated time with our immediate families. When was the last time you got to hang out with your school-aged kids without the pressures of sports, recitals, extra-curricular activities, playdates, school events, and volunteer functions? Whether your’e a family with kids at home or a couple, when was the last time you were just home together, with no events on the calendar, watching movies and playing board games and talking? When was the last weekday you woke up and made pancakes and sat around together for breakfast? If you live alone, when was the last time you stayed in every day, working without distraction, reading, writing, listening to music, and, okay, catching up on Homeland?

Sure, there’s still schoolwork, and there’s still work. For those who are able to be home with our kids right now, there’s no forcing your kid out of bed early in the morning to get dressed for school. There’s no rushing to the train or the metro or piling kids into the car. No lunchboxes to pack. There’s no coordinating different kids’ schedules, figuring out who has to be where, and when, which parent will do what, who’s driving, who’s meeting whom, etc.. This is a tremendous gift, even if it comes at a cost. It has never before happened in my life as a parent. Probably not in yours, either.

Of course, many families will not have these luxuries. For millions of families, there will be new and complicated burdens — those with health care workers in the family, those with no adult to stay home with the children, those with differently abled children who depend upon the school environment and teachers, those who are facing food shortages, devastating loss of income, medical deprivation, and other catastrophic situations. And those who lose loved ones to the virus.

These are such complicated issues, I think all of us are waiting to see how our governments and communities will respond. One thing has become clear in the last few weeks: We need to listen to experts and scientists beforea crisis happens. We desperately need a well-oiled, well-funded federal government that can respond robustly and rapidly in emergency situations. Those who denigrate federal workers and institutions, minimizing the crucial work they do for our country every day, cheering on the dismantling of the necessary systems, are now discovering like never before how much they need those workers and institutions. Underfunded, understaffed institutions threaten the welfare of every citizen.

Dreaming of California

I think longingly of our home in Northern California, surrounded by trees and beauty, with the long walk down the back stairs to the wooded canyon, where the big deer like to hang out. To wait out the isolation there, instead of in a cramped Paris apartment with our disco-playing, clog-wearing, house-renovating upstairs neighbors, would be a dream. That said, our family wants to stay together, and my husband has a job to do. So we’ll be here in Paris, waiting it out.

Fortunately, there are books. There is music. There is Monopoly and backgammon and Risk. Oh, and Netflix. Soooo much Netflix. And you can still walk outside and notice beauty. The weather is lovely in Paris right now, the cherry blossoms (or some kind of blossoms) blooming. I go to the park near our apartment in the morning, before the crowds, and look at everything in bloom. It soothes the soul. It gives me hope. It offers consistency, normalcy, and calm.

May you find your cherry blossoms wherever you are. May you enjoy your newly intensified time with your people, your pets, with the ones you love the most. May you make something, read something, remember something that has been buried beneath the busy-ness.

Eventually, we’ll be walking the halls of the schools and universities and offices again, seeing friends, grabbing a coffee that’s better than the coffee we make at home, eating a pizza that came out of an actual brick oven, giving la bise and hugging and shaking hands, watching movies on the big screen instead of living a scary end-of-the-world movie in which we’re all unwitting extras. We’ll be sending our kids out into the world to play their sports and hang out with their tribes. We’ll be back in the busy thick of it, remembering our strange hibernations, the weird solitude and surrender to a life-changing spectacle that gripped the entire world.

Until then, be safe and well….
A bientôt,

Michelle Richmond
The Reluctant Parisian

Read more & listen to audio on The Reluctant Parisian

park monceau snack stand

Coronavirus in France (update): Waking Up in Paris to a Travel Ban

 

Coronavirus in Paris Update: March 13,2020: A few hours after I wrote this post, Macron addressed the nation live on TV. He closed all schools, creches, and universities beginning Monday. Watching the address felt like watching a disaster movie play out in real life. It was a moving, sobering, speech, in which the embattled Macron exhibited leadership and intelligence.

Paraphrasing: “This is the worst health crisis France has faced in a century. This virus has no passport and knows no boundaries…” His call for unity in Europe and the world was a stark reminder of how much has been lost in terms of credibility and leadership in America in the last three years.

“We are just at the beginning of this crisis,” Macron said. “In spite of all our efforts to break it, this virus is continuing to propagate and to accelerate.”


Coronavirus in Paris Update: March 12,2020

A couple of days ago, I wrote about what it’s like in Paris during the Coronavirus outbreak. At the time, stores were stocked, schools were open, and life went on as normal.

Today, I awoke to the news that the U.S. had “banned all travel from Europe to the United Sates.” I will admit to experiencing about two minutes of panic. I clutched my husband’s arm and said, “Don’t go to work!”

He laughed and said, “I have to go to work.” Which is pretty much always the story.

I said, “What if we can never leave?”

He said, “You’ll feel better after coffee.” Which also is pretty much always the story.

For those of us prone to disaster thinking, a full-blown actual disaster is a mine field. You see, three weeks ago, before Coronavirus was much of an issue in France, I woke shaking from a dream in which Young Reluctant P. was trying to shove me out the door, screaming, “There’s no time! We have to go somewhere else now!” It was one of those dreams so vivid that, for a few moments after waking, I still thought it had actually happened. In the dream, my son was wearing his Raiders sweatshirt. I woke because I could actually feel the pressure of his hands on my arms.

The dream has come back to me many times over the last couple of weeks. But, as Mr. Reluctant P. reminds me, if all my vivid nighttime dreams–both the good ones and the bad ones–came true, we’d be living in Sea Cliff with an unobstructed view of the Golden Gate Bridge, I’d make blueberry pies from scratch that I’d serve to Justin Trudeau*, who would be wearing a flannel shirt, and I would have to take a surprise math exam every few months–as an adult, in a room full of high school students.  But none of those things ever happened. Not Sea Cliff. Not the math exams. Certainly not Justin Trudeau and the pies.

I went online and read that a certain someone’s statement had been inaccurate, and that US citizens are still allowed to return home. I read on WhatsApp that my son’s school was planning an assembly today. I thought: that is such a bad idea. So I didn’t wake him up for school. (He soon woke up anyway, because the world may end but my upstairs neighbors will still renovate their apartment all day every day, and the power may go out but the workers will still magically power their industrial-strength drills with fairy dust.)

When I went out later, I noticed that those grocery store shelves, full two days ago, were looking a little sparser. What disappears from store shelves first during times of scarcity reveals a lot about the culture. All of the regular pasta was gone, but you could still get whole wheat pasta. All of the white toilet paper–gone–but there was a whole shelf full of miniature pink toilet paper rolls.

Should you be the rare American in Paris who prefers Harry’s American Sandwich Bread in a country where fresh-baked, inexpensive bread is available on every street corner, you’ll be happy to know that Harry’s American Sandwich Bread has not left the building. Yet. Maybe not ever. If the bakeries close, all hell will break loose. After all, one of the most common French phrases  is “Long comme un jour sans pain (“as long as a day without bread”).”

Empty shelves in Paris Coronavirus

Nobody wants Harry’s American Sandwich Bread

Oh, to Be Back With You (California)

I worry about my friends and family back home in California, where the virus has been spreading rapidly. On the other hand, our community in Northern California, despite testing limitations, is handling mitigation so much more stridently than France. Governor Newsom has advised against even small gatherings where people cannot maintain a distance. Meanwhile, in France, with more than 500 confirmed cases in the Paris region alone, we still have public salad bars at the grocery store. I saw one today. I think salad bars are a bad idea under any circumstances, ever, but it seems particularly ill-advised during a, you know, pandemic.

A salad bar in Paris during Coronavirus outbreak

 

Macron keeps saying the government is taking appropriate measures to address what will be a very longterm epidemic.  But he hasn’t yet encouraged people to work from home. He hasn’t urged businesses to allow employees to work remotely. Nor is he advising schools to allow students to study from home.

I understand that closing schools causes disruption by preventing parents from working, and I understand that parents in professions that can’t be done from home need a place to send their children. School is a safe and crucial place for many kids and a necessity for their families. That said, Macron could limit the spread of novel coronavirus by making it clear that work, whenever possible, can and should be done from home. That would give a large percentage of Parisian families the ability to keep their children home from school.

An Oasis

I went to the park near our apartment mid-morning to get some exercise. I’ve completely stopped going to the gym, which is smelly under the best of circumstances, crowded, and poorly ventilated. The park is a miniature oasis, a godsend, a way to get a little greenery in the concrete jungle of Paris. It was recess time for nearby schools, so the kids were in the park in their bright green vests, as they always are at recess time.

In some ways, seeing large crowds of children playing tag at the park was comforting. The children seemed happy and healthy. They were loud and rowdy, as children should be during recess. They were enjoying themselves. On the other hand, a few schools with children of different grades were all running around at the same time. The CDC has advised against grade-mixing to slow the spread.

Because school groups aren’t allowed to play on the grass in the, the children were, as usual, all crowded into the dirt pathway that runs between two gates. I know you can’t and shouldn’t stop children from playing, but surely the groups could spread out a bit. Less tag, more Simon Says and jumping jacks. I’m not a teacher, and I understand it’s difficult to wrangle children, who desperately need to get their energy out. This is just a case where schools could use more serious advice from the government.

 

Face-planting on Dirty Yoga Mats in the Midst of Coronavirus

My son’s school held a school-wide assembly this morning. Earlier this week, they had the kids doing yoga in a basement room. The yoga mats were dirty and had not been sanitized. The room is poorly ventilated. The kids were instructed to place their faces against the mats. It’s just…why? The nurse came to homeroom to give the kids a lesson on hand washing. When one of them said, “Shouldn’t we wash our hands for 20 seconds?” the school nurse said, “10 seconds is enough.”

Long lunches die hard.

Restaurants are still in full swing at lunch time, which seems like a bad idea. But France is slow to change. When your routine is to have lunch with all of your office-mates every day, there is little effort, without government advice and leadership, to abandon those lunches in restaurants and simply carve out a space at your desk to eat. Eating lunch together is deeply embedded in the culture. But cultures must adapt in bizarre times. And this is, indeed, a bizarre time.

As WHO Director General Tedros Adhanom said yesterday, many countries are not taking Coronavirus seriously enough or acting fast enough.

“This epidemic is a threat for every country, rich and poor. And as we’ve said before, even the high-income countries should expect surprises,” he said. “We’re concerned that in some countries, the level of political commitment and the actions that demonstrate that commitment do not match the level of the threat we all face.”

This includes the slow response of the Trump administration, which until yesterday was far more concerned with limiting the damage to Trump’s reputation than actually informing Americans of the facts and providing proper guidance. The United States still lags far behind other countries in its ability to test patients. This became symbolically clear when Tom Hanks, who was diagnosed with coronavirus along with his wife, Rita Wilson, told his followers that getting tested in Australia is easy, fast, and free.

There’s  no putting the pandemic back in the bottle. Nations will now determine, by action or inaction, the severity of the pandemic.

DIY hand sanitizer

Meanwhile, I checked in with my gardienne today and was happy to see the aloe I ordered from Amazon.fr last week had arrived. My husband managed to find a bottle of rubbing alcohol near his workplace. My sister in Napa, whose husband is an infectious diseases expert (whose funding for years-long, highly effective research on just this sort of pandemic was entirely cut off by the Trump administration two years ago), had sent me a video about how to make hand sanitizer with aloe and rubbing alcohol.

So I am feeling excited about the prospect of becoming, at this late moment in my life, a DIYer. I will mix that aloe and alcohol. I will get my hands dirty…I mean, clean. Like all of us, everywhere, I will adapt.

Peace out. Stay safe. Much love from Paris. Still dreaming of California.

–Michelle Richmond, March 12, 2020, Paris

*p.s. after writing this post I saw that Justin Trudeau is in isolation.

empty in Paris coronavirus

Coronavirus in France: What It’s Like in Paris Right Now

coronavirus in Paris

Hi, everyone. As coronavirus continues to spread in France and around the world, I thought I’d share with you a video of what it’s like to live in Paris right now. (Scroll down to watch the video, shot in my apartment, because: Coronavirus).

No Kissing – The Ban on La Bise

Just when you think everything is business-as-usual, you go in for la bise and realize Macron told you not to. You only realize this because the other person is backing away. La bise is the traditional French kissy-kissy greeting. When we moved to Paris, it was hard to get used to kissing everybody, but now that we’ve been here more than a year and a half, it’s even harder to stop kissing everybody. It turns out, as much as I dislike socializing, j’adore non-committal, low-contact kissing.

Mr. Reluctant P., on the other hand, is elated about this turn of events (the ban on la bise, not Covid-19), because he dies a little death of the soul every time he goes to a meeting with his French counterparts and the kissing starts. He’s a man who likes his personal space as much as he likes his Mallomars. At these meetings, they start the kissing before they serve the wine (and they always serve wine at the business lunch), so he is not even a tiny bit relaxed for the incoming bises. Watching my husband try to avoid la bise is like watching a tennis match: he’s got game, but French people have more.

Dreaming of California Style “Abundance of Caution”

Mr. Reluctant P. and Young Reluctant P. and I very much want to be home, even though home is a hotbed of coronavirus in the US at the moment. Some of my son’s friends’ schools back in Northern California have closed out of “an abundance of caution.” You never really know how much you love “an abundance of caution” until you live in a country where caution is thrown to the wind. Paris schools are still open, despite the rapid spread of the virus in France and Macron’s announcement that it is now an epidemic here. (In the video, I explain why the schools aren’t closing here…yet).

Plenty of Cheese, No Hand Sanitizer

The good news is, Paris stores are still well-stocked (although there is no hand sanitizer to be found anywhere) and no one seems to be in panic mode. Except yours truly, because that is how I cope. My husband and son don’t call me The Safety Commissioner for nothing.

Empty Champs Elysess Gardens during Coronavirus

The Champs Elysees Garden at lunchtime in February 2020

I freaked out last week and placed an order for delivery from Monoprix. The two grocery bags that arrived –3 cans of tuna, 5 cans of beans, three bottles of wine, six packages of pasta, six tiny jars of pasta sauce, more salami than anyone needs, ever, CHEESE (obviously), four boxes of soup, six liters of that sad-tasting yet sturdy Euro-milk that has a shelf-life of months instead of weeks–would hardly qualify as End-of-the-World-Ready by American terms, but it was enough that the delivery guy wished me a happy party. What the French call “hoarding” is what Americans call “a regular trip to Target.” As an American family of three whose pantry could feed a French family of six for months, we’re fine. Although: those beans! Mr. Reluctant P. hasn’t eaten a bean in the 25 years I’ve known him, and, as he pointed out, he’s not about to start now. He wanted to know why I hadn’t ordered any les petites ecoliers cookies or Mallomars…as if one can find Mallomars at the Monoprix (we wish).

selles sur cher

Fortunately, there’s still plenty of cheese.

Video (wonky) & Audio (less wonky) – What It’s Like in Paris Right Now

I apologize in advance for the audiodrift in the video. I’m going to blame it on my inept internet connection, which drops in and out multiple times in a half-hour web-surfing session. If mismatched lips and words drive you bonkers, you can listen instead of watch. The audio version of this broadcast is available on The Reluctant Parisian Podcast, or you can just scroll down to listen to the audio file.

I’d love to know how things are shaping up in your town or city, whether you’re in Europe or back home in America. Stay safe, everybody. And, you know, avec du savon, lavez-vous bien les mains. (So says The Safety Commissioner).

Update, March 9, afternoon

By the way, I went to Picard this morning to buy some basic frozen items like fish and blueberries, wrote this post, and then looked at the news, only to see that the stock market took such a beating this morning, trading has actually been halted. The headline on France24 is now “Panic triggers stockpiling frenzy.” So, even though life goes on mostly as usual in Paris and elsewhere for the moment, the pace of change is accelerated and unpredictable, and this does feel entirely different from anything I’ve experienced in my lifetime. It’s strange and discombobulating and seriously alarming. Fortunately, we still have Netflix. And books.

Update, March 10

1,412 confirmed cases, 25 deaths.

French news media is reporting that Franck Riester, the French Culture Minister, has coronavirus. To understand what a big deal this is, you have to understand what a big deal the idea of culture is in France. Culture and everything it entails, in terms of art, music, literature, film, and theatre, is at the very heart of French identity. The French are proud of their culture, and rightly so. Riester’s diagnosis is a major symbolic signpost of the magnitude of the coronavirus crisis. Imagine, for example,  if, in America, the Secretary of the Treasury (let’s forget individual secretaries of the treasury and concentrate on the position and office itself) were to be diagnosed with coronavirus.

Reiser likely contracted the virus in the lower house of the National Assembly; five other members of parliament have been confirmed to have coronavirus. He appears to be feeling, fine, however. If he and other parliament members emerge unscathed from their illnesses, it will likely make France breathe a sigh of relief.

More updates soon…

A bientôt!

Michelle Richmond

Parc Monceau February

Parc Monceau, Parisian noise, & Waiting for Coronavirus in France

It’s Thursday in Paris, and the headline on CNN is, “France Told to Prepare for Outbreak Like Italy’s.” I’m waiting for Young Reluctant P. to get home from school on the crowded metro, which is a germ-fest under the best of circumstances, and I’m wondering for the umpteenth time what made us decide to leave our great life and great friends and family in spacious, green, sea-swept California and move to such a dense, noisy, chaotic and very inland city, where personal space is hard to come by.

All day the workers have been drilling and jackhammering in the apartment above me, as they do every day. It’s 4:22, which means they’ll be going home soon, and the drilling will be replaced by the screaming of les petits elephants, which is a welcome substitution, and the louder, angrier screaming of the four little elephants’ impatient father, which is not welcome at all.

Over at my regular website, MichelleRichmond.com, I provide a new, unpublished short story–both a text and audio version–to subscribers once a month. Since this month’s story is about Paris, and was written in this very apartment, in the din of the drills and amidst the uncertainty of the spreading coronavirus, I thought it would be a good fit for The Reluctant Parisian.

You can listen to the story below. If you want to get more fiction (which is usually a different beast altogether than what I do here at The Reluctant Parisian), you can sign up for free monthly story here.

Things Parisians Really Say (and how they say it)

I’ve lived in Paris for fourteen months. By now, you’d think I would have a better accent. I don’t. My French remains abominable. I have, however, picked up on a few key French phrases.

Full disclosure: before posting this video, I played it for Mr. Reluctant P.–not to get permission, mind you, but because he is my Irish backstop. I can say that (I think) because he’s Irish. It’s his job to keep me from doing things I will later regret.

After watching the video, Mr. Reluctant P. said, “You look batsh*it crazy.” He said it in an affectionate way, not a  condescending or even mildly alarmed way, which is why I did not open up a can of Alabama and all that.

I said, “I was going more for verisimilitude.”

He said, “Well, it has that. You say pas wrong, but still…”

how to buy bread in Paris

Paris baguette

Ah, the much-longed-for Paris baguette. It’s one thing about Paris that lives up to the hype.

Bread in Paris is usually good, it’s always inexpensive, and it’s the easiest way to refuel between 2:30 p.m. and 7:30 p.m, when most restaurants are closed. You’ll find a boulangerie on every corner. Also, the word boulangerie is really fun to say, even if you don’t pronounce it quite right (guilty as charged).

There are many types of bread at Parisian boulangeries, of course, and there are several types of baguettes. If you want to get fancy, check out David Leibovitz on bread. And here’s what he has to say about my favorite Paris baguette, the tradition:

A Baguette tradition, Baguette à l’ancienne, or Baguette de campagne are names given to baguettes that are mixed, hand-formed (you can tell by the pointy ends and irregularities in the loaves), and baked on the premises, and usually have levain (sourdough) starter in them.

I prefer baguette tradition to the regular baguette, which the French call baguette ordinarie, or just, you know, baguette and which is, in my mind, quite ordinary. The tradition is chewier and denser. The ordinaire is sort of fluffy on the inside, and whiter. I do buy the regular baguettes for my son’s school sandwiches, because a)I buy it the afternoon before so I can make his sandwich in the morning, and the ordinaire retains its softness better overnight, and b) the hard crust on the tradition can make eating it in sandwich form kind of unpleasant on the roof of the mouth.

Words to know: bonjour madame, une tradition, s’il vous plait, bien cuit, c’est tout, and merci. 

Carrie Anne of French is Beautiful, who has lived in Paris a lot longer than I have and who happens to teach French, did a write-up on the subject of ordering bread in French for Everyday Parisian. In her post, Carrie Anne explains some of the finer points of the feminine and masculine as they relate to bread.

You’ll also find a great list of French bread vocabulary at French Today.

And now, for the (totally opinionated) video. Here’s how order a baguette in Paris, even if your French is terrible and you can’t tell your Euros from the pounds you just picked up at Heathrow on your way to Paris. In this video, I tell you how to order my favorite stand-by, baguette tradition.

Voila! C’est vrai! On speaking French (sort of) at the fromagerie, & the crime of disrespecting the cheese

Listen to “Speaking French (sort of) at the Fromagerie, and the Crime of Disprespecting the Cheese” on Spreaker.

The first time we visited a fromagerie in Paris with Young Reluctant P, he proclaimed loudly, “Why don’t they have any American cheese?” I’m pretty sure this is a punishable offense in France. If it weren’t for the diplomatic visa, he’d probably be serving time in French juvie for the crime of Disrespecting the Cheese. So a few days ago, when Mr. Reluctant P and I wanted some cheese to go with our baguette tradition, we headed off to a fromagerie in our neighborhood. I’d done my research and knew this was a place we might want to visit again, so I was nervous. One thing you most definitely should not do in Paris is offend people from whom you might want to buy food on a regular basis.

I should mention that, while I can sometimes express my needs in French in very simple exchanges, I can’t understand a word anyone says to me, with the exception of Voila! and C’est vrai! and Quarante-cinq! For some reason, quarante-cinq is the only number that has stuck in my mind. As long as whatever I’m buying costs precisely 45 euros, I’m golden, but if it’s a centime less or more, which, of course, it almost always is, I stand there and squint at the cash register, willing the numbers to pop up on the screen. If they don’t, I have to resort to handing the cashier one or two or three of those lovely pastel euro notes, hoping the notes are sufficient and the cashier is honest. If it’s a small transaction, I’ll hold out my palm with a few coins in it, expecting them to understand the universal gesture for, “Please take however much money I owe you out of my hand, and do it quickly so that everyone in line behind me does not realize that I am a grown-ass woman who cannot count change, and we’ll both forget this ever happened.” (Or I use my credit card…one day we’ll talk about those tiny credit machines and the difference between patientez and retirez.)

Usually, after I’ve made my request but before the exchanging of money, I say d’accord and vrai and oui a lot (the latter pronounced way rather than wii, if you want to sound really Parisian) and try to get out the door before they can engage me in a real conversation. If I’m with Mr. Reluctant P., I just hope he nods and doesn’t open his mouth except to whisper translations into my ear. He is brilliant at understanding French, but he speaks it like a red-blooded American male, which is to say he says “bonjour” as if it’s a hammer he’s throwing at your head.

So when we ventured into the fromagerie,  I asked the cheese lady in French what she would recommend. She asked if I wanted vache (cow) or chèvre (goat). I tried to look pensive, tapping my fingertip on my jaw in what I hoped was a pensive French way, and said, Je pense, qu’aujourd’hui, peut-etre vache (I think, today, perhaps cow.) I don’t know why, but ever since French class with Miss Truly in 10th grade at Murphy High School in Mobile, Alabama, I have loved the phrase je pense que–I think that. I’d say it every day if I could, a hundred times a day, with apostrophes whenever possible. Je pense qu’il fait beau, je pense qu’elles  mangent du beurre, Je pense que je sonne très français quand je dis que “je pense.”

Anyway, the cheese lady replied in rapid French, at which point I stood there looking confused and probably slightly in pain, while Mr. Reluctant P looked at the cookies; of course, there was one box of cookies in the store and he had found it and needed to examine it, while I suffered, lost in translation only a few feet away. I reluctantly admitted to the cheese lady, as I do many times each day, DesoleJe ne parle pas vraiment Francais, (Sorry, I don’t really speak French), to which the woman actually replied, “Mais non! Your French is very good!” As that was the first time in my quarante-something years anyone had told me anything of the sort, I inwardly wept tears of joy until I realized she was probably just having a bit of fun at my expense.

After I picked myself up off the floor, I bought the truffle cheese they make in-house, even though Mr. Reluctant P hates truffles, because I figured I’d gotten in the cheese lady’s good graces, and I wanted to stay there. And then because I was feeling the joy of this exchange, the sheer wonderful Frenchness of it, I asked what wine she would recommend to go with the cheese, and she pointed to the most expensive bottle, which was not very expensive but was still a good indication she thought I was a tourist. The whole thing came to quarante-something, but I wasn’t sure quarante-what, so I looked at my husband, who had at last moved on from the cookies, as if to say, I’m just a little lady, my husband is the one who handles the money, because when French is involved my dignity totally flies out the window, and sometimes my feminism with it.

The cheese lady wanted to keep talking after we paid, which was fine by me, because You Should Always Have a Cheese Lady Who Is Your Friend. She asked where we were from. “San Francisco,” I said, which is what I always say, because it is easier to say, “San Francisco” than to say “a small town south of San Francisco,” and also because in Europe, saying that you’re from San Francisco is like saying, “I’m from America but it’s okay to like me anyway. I totally believe in the Paris Climate Accord. Can’t we still be friends?” And I added, “Maintenant, nous habitons ici.” Which is like saying, I know I’m not one of you but I am trying and I will be back here next week with more euros! 

Well, it turned out that the woman’s nephew had moved to San Francisco recently and loves it, as Europeans often do. I’ve also discovered that, if you’re not acting like a jerk, people may be surprised to discover you’re from America. Sorry, but it’s true. Just as Americans have stereotypes about Parisians, Parisians have stereotypes about Americans, and you should do your best, when in Paris, not to live down to those stereotypes. People in Paris have asked me if I’m Russian or Polish, and they’ve asked me if I’m German or British (not that they particularly like the Brits, mind you), but in our five weeks in Paris, not once has anyone asked if I was American–oh, wait, except that time with the apple man. Let’s not talk about that time with the apple man. When I reply, “Je suis Americaine,” there is that slight disapproving raising of the eyebrows (or am I just imagining the disapproval? The French can be quite difficult to read), which I follow with, “J’habite a San Francisco!”

“Ah!” they say. “I love San Francisco!” Sometimes they love it because they have been there, but more often they love it because someone they know has been there, or they want to go there, or because Europeans have positive pre-conceived notions about San Francisco just as surely as Americans have positive pre-conveived notions about Paris. I do not tell them about the Tenderloin or the needles or the fact that ten different people will find ten different reasons to give you the stink-eye while you’re waiting in line for ice cream outside of Bi-Rite, reasons ranging from the political (your shoes are leather instead of vegan leather) to the personal (your child looks so gentrified with that haircut). And I especially don’t tell them about that guy who sometimes hangs out at the 16th and Mission Muni station with a machete.

I just say, Oh, oui, San Francisco est tres belle! J’adore San Francisco! Both statements are true, but neither is complete. And then I go home and eat my truffle cheese and drink my wine and say to Mr. Reluctant P, Je pense que ce fromage de vache est très agréable, Je pense que je vais manger le tout, while, from deep in the apartment, Young Reluctant P calls out, “Did you bring me any American cheese?”

French beauty products

My first trip to a French pharmacy

Parisians take their pharmacies seriously. This is not a place to grab a magazine or an inexpensive tube of lipstick or a Twix bar or a Swiffer or whatever you forgot to pick up at the grocery store. Pharmacies in France focus on dispensing medicine, skin care advice, and beauty products, not necessarily in that order. (Also, umbrellas. The moment the rains appear, so do les parapluies, at the checkout counter of every pharmacy in Paris.)

In the final throes of packing for our move, hours before we were supposed to leave for the airport, my suitcase wouldn’t zip. I had to choose: the Nespresso pods and the power adapters, or the toiletries and cosmetics? I chose poorly, mes amies. My first morning in Paris, I realized I had no Nespresso machine for the pods, very few outlets for the adapters, and no moisturizer, shampoo, nail polish remover, deodorant, or soap. So I searched for pharmacies on my phone and found three nearby. The first pharmacy I walked by was closed. The second was the size of a closet. The third was bigger (about 750 square feet) and looked more promising. Did I go in? I did not.

Have you ever done a party drive-by? You know the drill: there’s a party to which you’ve been invited, and which you plan to attend, but when you drive by the party you just can’t bring yourself to go in. When you see the lights on inside, the people milling about, you think about what the party will require: the small talk, the remembering of names, the polite conversations about various kinds of sports-ball. You imagine walking through the party, ending up alone by the food table, struggling with the cheese platter. Eventually, having had your fill of tiny things on toothpicks, with no trash can in sight, you will start stuffing toothpicks down your bra, and that never ends well. So you don’t go in.

This is what happened at the pharmacy. Well, not exactly that. On the first day, I walked by briskly, as though the pharmacy was not even on my mind and I could not be bothered to glance in. On the second day, I walked by slowly, peering in through the open door. On the third day, I gathered my nerve and went it. By this point I had no choice. I’d been bathing with dish soap and using my son’s deodorant, which is marketed to teenaged boys and promisingly called Swagger, and I was tired of smelling like clean dishes and a young man who, you know, swaggers.

As I began shyly browsing the shelves, a beautiful woman on a ladder looked down at me and asked me something in French. I think she was asking if she could help, so I proceeded to tell her in broken French that I needed moisturizer. “Anglais?” she replied.

“Oui, desole.”( In Paris, I find myself constantly apologizing for not speaking the language, but I’ve also found that people are incredibly nice if you just make a bit of effort. You’ve heard it before, but I’ve really found it to be true: no one seems to mind if you can’t speak French, as long as you know enough words to get the conversation started, and as long as you try.)

“Anti-age?” she asked. She said it in such a helpful, genuine way. Imagine Sephora, and then imagine the opposite. You know how, at Sephora, you go in to buy a tube of mascara and the sales associate greets you with, “You must be looking for something for redness, fine lines, dry hair, large pores, deep wrinkles, dullness, and general bad attitude? Come with me.” And you walk out $300 poorer with a clownish makeover and a sack full of products you’ll never use, many of them involving sponges and complicated spray nozzles that always spray in the wrong direction.

No, this was the opposite. The beautiful French woman came down from the ladder and started to show me products she thought I might enjoy. She had me sample them. She had me smell them. She asked a lot of questions I couldn’t understand, and I replied with weird, mostly irrelevant hand gestures that do not translate in any language. Occasionally I said, “Oui!” or “Vraiment!” just to show I was trying. She was in no hurry. Even though she’d been busily stocking shelves when I arrived, she appeared to have all the time in the world to devote to me. She began with Caudalie and worked her way up. When we got to a pretty little glass jar that cost 178 euros, I whispered, “Je pense, peut-être, trop cher,” and we went back to the Caudalie.*

Of course, I set off alarms as I was leaving the store. I seem to do this everywhere I go, in both America and Paris. The clerk waved me back in and went through my bag and noticed she’d forgotten to take the plastic tag off of one of my purchases. She laughed and sent me on my way. When I went back a few days later, the same thing happened. I’d think it was a French conspiracy, except that I recently bought a pair of jeans online from Madewell back home, and the jeans arrived with the big plastic tag still attached to the waistband. Plastic retail tags find me. They stay with me. I can’t explain it.

*Culture tip: According to indispensable guide to French language and culture, The Bonjour Effect, French people love to complain about the cost of things. It’s accepted and sometimes even expected to try to find bargains, and okay to talk about it, because being flashy and ostentatious is considered bad taste. Quality shoes? Definitely. A small Chanel handbag? Certainly. A handbag emblazoned with logos, especially the LV so ubiquitous in America? Non! (In upscale Paris neighborhoods, only tourists carry Louis Vuitton bags, although you’ll see a lot of them at Paris Disney, which I totally do not admit visiting). Our Uber driver on the way to Costco (which I also do not admit visiting in search of an air conditioner) excitedly told us about La Vallée Village, an outlet mall near Paris, where one can find back-to-school clothing at fifty percent off, “because in France everyone has this problem,” he said, the problem being finding reasonably priced kids’ clothing.

Further reading:

10 French cosmetic brands you should know, via culturetrip.com

19 phrases locals to use to say “expensive” and “cheap” in French, via FrenchTogether.com

And now, for the promotional part of the post (stop reading if you’re not into cosmetics…)

Here’s what I snagged at the pharmacy (in addition to un parapluie). You’ll find many of these products mentioned in any article about classic French beauty brands. One thing I love about French beauty brands is that the EU has tighter regulations about what chemicals can go into cosmetics, so the products tend to be more environmentally friendly and made with natural ingredients. They also have less fragrance, so you don’t walk out of your house in the morning smelling like you slept on a bed of bad potpourri (then again, is there a difference between good potpourri and bad potpourri?)

Caudalie night infusion cream/ Resveratrol creme cache mire redensifiante – This is an overnight cream with resveratrol. It felt richer than my usual retinol cream and didn’t irritate my skin. When I woke up the next morning my skin really did look different–a bit glowy and rested. It could be the cream, or it could be that I finally had a decent night’s sleep. At any rate, I expect I’ll continue using it, because my husband, who is allergic to just about everything, didn’t start sneezing.

Price: $65 – $69 at the time of this writing

Buy Caudalie night cream on Amazon Buy  Caudalie night cream at Dermastore 

Nuxe dry oil / Nuxe Huile Prodigieuse –  I had to toss my Moroccan Argan oil on the day we left California, so I was delighted to find this inexpensive oil that can be used on hair, skin, and cuticles. I always add a few drops of oil to my body moisturizer morning and night, and Nuxe will be my new go-to. The first time I used it, I went for a walk in the park later in the day and noticed a wonderful, light scent. I thought it was something in the park, but then I realized that the scent followed me out of the park and all the way home. That’s when I realized it was the Nuxe oil. The air in Paris has been extremely dry, so I rub a couple of drops into the ends of my hair after washing. Price: 14 euros for 1.6 oz. In the US: $38 for 3.3 oz on Amazon

Bioderma Créaline H2O Solution Micellaire – I first started noticing ads for micellar cleansing pads in the U.S. last year. I bought some and was unimpressed. A 500 ml bottle of this cleansing water that every French beauty blog praises was about 8 euros. You just soak a cotton pad with the fragrance-free solution and then press it against your eyelids to remove eye makeup (although you won’t be wearing much eye make-up in France–more on that in another post). Swab it over your face to remove makeup and dirt. That’s all the cleanser you need before applying your moisturizer. If you’re in the U.S., you can find an impressive range of Bioderma products at Walmart. Price 9 euros per bottle, or in the US, about $18 per bottle at Walmart or $14.90 per bottle at Amazon. 

Bioderma Serum / Bioderma Hydrabio – Sérum concentré hydratant –  I’d been using Boots No. 7 serum for years. Although I first discovered it on a trip to the UK, it’s available in the U.S. at Target and Walgreens. It goes on silky smooth and is very light. My Boots went in the trash with my moroccan argan oil, so I wanted an inexpensive new serum to get me by until I figure out what French products work best for me. The pharmacist recommended Bioderma, and I’ll be sticking with this one. It’s light, silky, and has no noticeable scent. On days when you don’t need sunscreen, this serum is all you need for moisturizer.  Price 13 euros In the US  $24 on Amazon or $59 for two, at Walmart

Klorane shampooing nutritive et reparateur / Klorane shampoo  – I’ve seen Klorane shampoo mentioned everywhere, so I decided to try it. Klorane shampoo comes in several different formulas for different hair types. Living on the Bay Area peninsula, surrounded on three sides by water, accustomed to the fog, I’d forgotten how hard dry air is on the hair. I also bought the corresponding Klorane conditioner. Price 11 euros each In the US $20 per bottle on Amazon or $15 per bottle at Walmart

Klorane dry shampoo – I’m a big fan of dry shampoos and have been using Amika dry shampoo ever since I discovered it through Birchbox about three years ago. Vogue editors and other American beauty magazines frequently recommend Klorane dry shampoo, so I thought I’d give it a try. I didn’t bring a blow dryer to France with me because mine wouldn’t work with French outlets, and I haven’t bothered to buy one yet. Anyway, in Paris, the preferred look for hair is always natural–nothing over-styled, sprayed, bleached, or obviously blown out. Since I don’t want to wait for my hair to dry in the morning before I go out, I wash it before bed and then spritz a little dry shampoo on the roots in the morning. This gives you a tousled, natural look (at least, that’s what I’m telling myself). By the by, I remember when U.S. magazines used to talk about “French hair,” as if it French women obtained magically sexy hair by washing it only once or twice a week. That’s a myth. Parisian women don’t walk around with dirty hair! The look is undone, not unwashed. Klorane does the trick: it’s has a fresh, light scent and disappears instantly. Price: 16 euros. In the US: $20 on Amazon

If you’re visiting Paris, skip it or try it? Yes, I’d definitely recommend a trip to a French pharmacy. It only takes a few minutes, and it’s an easy way to experience a slice of everyday French life and bring home something you’ll actually use. Consumables make the best souvenirs.

5 Useful French Phrases

Here are five random but useful French phrases that will fit plenty of situations. This is assuming you already know how to do standard greetings, order from a menu, and ask where the bathroom is.

  1. To start your day and get stuff done: J’ai besoin de mon cafe.Translation: I need my coffee.
  2. To get out of a social engagement: Encore une fois. Translation: Another time.
  3. To keep your head at a business lunch (or on a date) without seeming like a boring American teetotaler: Pas trop de vin, juste une larme, s’il vous plait. Translation: Not too much wine, just a drop, please.
  4. What to say when you don’t know what to say (because it is almost always fitting): Je dois acheter du pain. Translation: I need to buy some bread.
  5. What to say when you just don’t get it: Pourriez-vous parler moins vite s’il vous plaît? Translation: Can you speak more slowly please?

image courtesy of Nafinia Putra via unsplash

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